Parenting 101: To smack or not to smack.

I commend mothers or fathers out there who have managed to raise their kids without raising a hand. Children always seem to find a way to 'push our buttons' at times and really try our patience.  It's easy to feel irritated, sad, angry, annoyed, confused and hurt.  It's at these times when our parenting skills are really tested, and that it's imperative we maintain a kind but firm stance when it comes to doling out the discipline.  And let's face it - none of us ever want to hurt our child with physical or verbal abuse.  We want to teach our child that such things are wrong, and punishing a misdeed or inappropriate action by yelling or hitting is hypocritical at best.  

Our goal when disciplining our children is to teach them to be responsible, cooperative, kind and respectful.  The best way to teach this is to always remain consistent, follow through with the same punishment for the same misdeed, and to discuss the discipline with your child openly and honestly afterwards. 

Always keep in mind that the age, maturity level, and temperament of your child should always be considered when enforcing a set disciplinary action.  Disciplinary actions should be discussed and understood in advance so that children know what they have coming when they've misbehaved and can give pause and hopefully choose an appropriate route to avoid it.  And most importantly, remember that it's not the child you dislike; it's his or her chosen behavior, action or misdeed. 

If you need to, give yourself a brief 'time out' before responding with appropriate discipline.  Sometimes we need a short cooling off period before dealing with our children's misdeeds in order to avoid a misdeed of our own.  Yelling and hitting should never be an option.  

Keep an open mind as a parent, and be willing to learn with and from your child.  We all make mistakes and it's important to realize that not every form of discipline works with every child. Children are just as unique as adults are, and forms of discipline should be tailored to fit the individual needs of both parent and child.  But with a little forethought, patience, firmness, love and understanding, the discipline can have a positive outcome for all involved.

Happy parenting!

Parenting Vocabulary

Here are some words that you might not be so familiar with when you were not yet a parent. But now that you are, it would help you a lot to be well-versed on all of them.


cord care - The shriveled brown appendage that was once your baby's umbilical cord requires only a quick swipe with rubbing alcohol each time you change her/his diaper. Fold the diaper down around it to keep the area dry. In about a week you'll find a perfect little belly button instead. Trouble signs to watch for: redness and pus -- but a little bleeding when the cord falls off is normal.

burping - What was once bad manners is now a must in your home. Babies take in air while they're sucking on the breast or bottle, and they need some help releasing it or they become cranky and uncomfortable (a.k.a. "gassy"). To avoid this buildup, burp your baby halfway through each feeding -- when switching breasts or after every two or three ounces of formula -- then again when you're done. Best positions for burping: laying baby flat across your lap, sitting up on your lap and leaned slightly forward, or across your shoulder with his head facing back. In each case, you need to put gentle pressure on the abdomen. Then pat lightly on your baby's back. Of course, not every baby will burp every time -- if nothing happens after about five minutes, you can stop. There probably wasn't that much air in there to begin with.

circumcision - If you chose to have your son circumcised, you can expect his penis to be a bit red and to secrete a little gooey yellow stuff for about a week. Dab petroleum jelly on the tip of the penis at each changing to prevent it from sticking to the diaper. The circumcision site should also heal in about a week. Trouble signs to watch for: swelling or more than a little bleeding.

bonding - pretty much what it sounds like -- feeling an almost overwhelming affection for and need to nurture your baby. Hardly a negative thing, but because the original concept stemmed from a now debatable study trying to prove that early, frequent parent-child interaction immediately after delivery and in the hospital was necessary to bond, a great deal of anxiety and guilt has resulted. Medical complications may prevent postpartum nurturing. And adoption often does. Still other parents find that building a relationship takes time. So try to enjoy those magical and sometimes euphoric hours after birth, but you needn't sweat it if you don't.

Jaundice - one of those illnesses that you barely give a thought to -- until you have a baby. More than half of all newborns develop jaundice because their immature livers can't quickly process excess bilirubin, a toxic chemical produced during the normal breakdown and replacement of red blood cells. If you notice a yellowing of the skin -- it may even seem golden, like a tan -- that begins on the head and spreads down over Baby's body about three days after birth, call your pediatrician. Your baby is at risk for jaundice if you are nursing (bilirubin levels are often higher in breastfed babies) or if you have a boy, are diabetic yourself, or if Baby loses a lot of weight right after delivery. Jaundice is usually harmless and clears by itself in a few days. But the doctor will use blood tests to keep close tabs on it because extreme cases can cause brain damage. A day or two of phototherapy -- placing Baby under ultrafluorescent lights in the hospital -- may be necessary.
In my case, my son also had jaundice and the doctor advised me to sunbathe him every morning for 15 minutes ideally from 6:00-6:15 A.M. until the yellowish color will subside.

acne - Infant acne usually occurs between 2 and 4 weeks, as Mom's hormones start to work their way out of Baby's system. Unlike adult acne, however, the best response is to do nothing. Just keep baby's skin clean and dry, and don't squeeze the pimples or apply any treatments.

spit up - Most babies spit up often -- everything from little "wet burps" to real gushers. It's messy but totally normal. Burping more frequently may help. You can also try giving your baby a little bit less breast milk or formula at mealtime to determine if overfeeding is the problem. Some babies don't realize when it's time to stop eating and literally overflow afterwards! Most infants grow out of this stage by the time they can sit up0 on their own -- usually between 6 and 7 months -- but some may continue to spit up throughout their first year. And once solids enter the picture, spit up is a lot more damaging -- to clothing, that is.
You should talk to your pediatrician if your baby actually vomits - which is much more forceful than spit up and will cause your baby obvious distress -- particularly if it's an excessive amount or happens frequently. Some infants have a medical condition called gastroesophageal reflux. It's caused by stomach acids backing up into the esophagus and will require treatment by a doctor.

cradle cap - If you notice greasy, scaly patches on your baby's scalp, hairline, forehead, or around the eyes or nose, she's/he's got a skin condition that's been dubbed cradle cap. A form of seborrheic dermatitis, it's caused by a buildup of oil and effects up to half of all newborns in the first three months. Cradle cap won't cause your baby any discomfort -- not even itching -- but it may be painful for you to look at. Treat it by rubbing a little baby oil or olive oil on the scaly patches, wait an hour or so, gently scrape off the scales with a baby brush, then shampoo. Do this daily and it will probably clear up in a week or so. Stubborn cases may require a medicated shampoo.

nail care - Baby's fingernails grow so fast at first they'll be a danger to her/him. Trim them twice a week while she's sleeping, or after a bath when they're soft and pliable. Use only baby nail clippers, press down the pads of her fingers to avoid cutting the skin, and don't leave any jagged edges. Scratches on baby's face mean her/his nails have gotten too long.

10 Ways a baby changes your life

1. You find yourself socializing primarily with other people who are parents, even though you didn't even like some of them before you had kids. You will also find that the main topics of cocktail party conversation are no longer the stock market and what's opening at the movies this weekend, but have to do with bodily fluids instead -- as in spit up, bowel movements, and leaking breast milk.

2. You will look affectionately at your long-forgotten partner one night and discover that you are both wearing matching burp stains on the shoulders of your pajamas. This will actually seem romantic.

3. You'll find yourself striking up conversations with anyone pregnant (to relate all that advice you didn't want to hear when you were expecting) or pushing a stroller (to beg for advice on all those things you have yet to figure out).

4. You will suddenly discover how loudly certain spots on your floors creak, your pipes bang, and, worst of all, the way the automatic garage door shakes the entire house while your baby is (finally) sleeping.

5. Your mother-in-law and maid of honor will be deleted from the speed dial settings on your phone to make room for the pediatrician and the local pharmacy.

6. You will spend hours weighing the merits of cleaning dried baby food off one of those splat mats designed to keep your floor clean versus simply cleaning it off the floor itself.

7. You will not only be able to recite exactly what time the sun comes up during any given season of the year, but will also learn how late the teenager across the street stays out, what time the pre-dawn newspaper is delivered, the sound of your night-shift neighbor's car arriving home at 4A.M., and exactly what size animal it takes to set off the sensor lights in your driveway.

8. You discover after years of carrying an overstuffed pocket book bordering on luggage that all you really need for your personal comfort can fit in a palm-sized cosmetic case that takes up just 1/38 of your overstuffed diaper bag.

9. You'll able to name the meteorologists on five different TV channels because you tune into them all nightly to make sure your child is appropriately dressed for the next day's outing or daycare (but will still forget to bring your own umbrella).

10. You will suddenly understand why all those other parents spent endless phone conversations and coffee breaks regaling you with stories of their precious darling's latest accomplishments. And you will not care in the least when you bore your childless friends silly recounting the very same feats.